Do you ever get one of those days (or days) when you feel you just don’t sit right in your skin. You feel awkward, uncoordinated, like you’ve been put together in the wrong order? Well yesterday was one of those days. I shouldn’t be surprised they come along on a fairly regular orbit. Sometimes I think some part of me just needs to be ‘fixed’ and that one day I will find the right cure through the right class, or choice conversation. Maybe I’ll come across some ancient ritual I find in a mysterious dusty old intriguing book in a second hand store for 50 cents. But several years later and several classes, conversations and dusty old books later and *bing* along comes one of those days! I’m feeling a fraud as I’m running a ‘art and healing’ workshop next week and yet I can’t quite heal myself! This time around it’s been a series of days, and into the miserable mix I managed to pull some muscle or tendon in my back. How wonderful when the strongest over the counter medicine is paracetamol! (I’ve even been eying up the dogs Tramadol, but settled instead for a hot bath!).
I feel the cycle begins again most other people in my orbit are brought along for the ride as I grump and bitch at them but really only disliking myself. Now I’m sure there’s an old blog post in here somewhere on the very same topic BUT maybe sometimes we have to learn our lesson over and over again. I think I stored my mindfulness in the bottom drawer under several of those ancient dusty books I got in the thrift store!
But I have magical tools in my bag, and craft is a keen one in recalling mindfulness! I pick through old upholstery fabrics matching together colors as slowly I assemble a pile that will represent this creation of how I feel. I don’t need to think, I know it’s that scary old witch of East European folktales – Baba Yaga! Why? I’m not rightly sure but it goes back to the fact she terrifies me and I can’t ever work out what she wants.
And so in fabric and paper I stitch and this monster is given from through an icicle doll (the idea of Belinda Schneider). And so I am going to sit and accept the part of me that is Baba Yaga and ponder a little to what she wants of me, and i of her. Our dark sides are never going to dissapear they have purpose and meaning and scream at us when things aren’t right. They are the ghost we push to the back of our minds, the issues we don’t want to deal with. But if we can name them, give them form and invite them to the table – then we can begin conversations, conversations of learning and healing.
So Baba Yaga has her purpose and her image telling me to ‘Wake up’! So I will read over her stories and see what I come up with.